


The Little Death of a Salesman

by Lynn_StarDragon



Series: Terriboo Productions [1]
Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: Humor, M/M, PWP, Parody Porn, all the porn, bad porn is bad on purpose, there is no saving grace here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-26
Updated: 2014-08-26
Packaged: 2018-02-14 22:14:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2204967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lynn_StarDragon/pseuds/Lynn_StarDragon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As a door to door vacuum salesman he's good at sucking and blowing. But can he keep up with one foxy french maid that's more than what he seems? Or will he be overwhelmed by his voracious appetite? Looks like this Aussie isn't the only one coming through town...</p><p>[[I can't stress enough that this is horribly written on purpose, summary included, and supposed to be funny.]]</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Little Death of a Salesman

**Author's Note:**

> Because writing terribly, on purpose, is an art-form that's under-appreciated. And because I can.
> 
> Beta'd by Vihtalaini.

They called him Sniper because of his killer smile. One shot and he closed all the deals. And by 'he closed all the deals' that is to say 'he could get into anyone's pants'. Because sex was a drug of choice and he was an addict. With an expensive addiction. Because drugs and sex were expensive even though he was only interested in one of them. The one that led to buying lots and lots of silicone cocks.

But since he had an ever growing collection of sex toys Sniper needed money to keep it and him going. So he worked as a door to door salesman selling vacuums. Everyone needed vacuums, and then he could travel and charm lonely housewives and stay at home husbands and anyone looking for a good time with a handsome stranger and no strings attached. Because he was cool like that. There when he was needed and gone before any trouble started.

Today was no different. Yet. Maybe. Probably yet.

What mattered was that he was moseying up the driveway of a quiet looking little plain house. It was a corner lot, away from the neighbors. There was a sleek little foreign car in the garage, the lights were on so someone was home. Sniper pulled on the collar of his long, tattered, trench coat which had been keeping the worst of the weather off of him. Because it was raining. And he was walking. Because he didn't have a car. But he walked up to the front door with his rolling bag-suitcase-thing filled with the vacuum and knocked, hoping that he could at least get out of the rain for a little while.

The person on the other side threw open the door, like they had been expecting someone. They were a man. In a fluffy maid outfit. Wearing two masks, one to cover his head and one to cover his mouth. The masked man pulled the dust-mask covering his mouth down, revealing an amused smile. Because his mask-mask didn't cover his eyes or mouth. "You caught me in the middle of cleaning."

"Lucky me," Sniper smiled back. "And lucky you, I have just what you need to get the job done."

"Oh?" The masked man's eyes seemed to light up with intense interest.

Sniper nodded at the bag at his side. "Top of the line vacuum that. Wanna see?"

"I'll show you mine if you show me yours." With that the masked maid stepped aside to let Sniper enter the house. But he stopped the traveling salesman before he could get too far inside. " _Monsieur_ , you're dripping everywhere. You need to get out of those clothes."

"Oh," Sniper chuckled, "if you insist." He started to undo the buttons of his coat.

"No, wait, the bathroom," the maid-man started to shove Sniper into the tiny room. "You'll make less of a mess in there."

"I think I'll make a roight mess anywhere." Sniper's shoes made squishy sounds whenever he took a step, as if trying to prove a point.

"Just take everything off in there." Then he shut the door.

"Roight," he started to strip again. He turned around to hang his coat off the back of the door only to find the masked maid still in the room with him. "Wot.."

"I have to take your clothes. To wash them." But his smile was far from innocent.

"I figured that," Sniper went back to stripping. "So, you like to watch?"

" _Oui_." He chuckled. "You should feel honored, I don't always like to let them to know I'm watching."

"Oh, like a Spy?" He tried to joke.

"Better than a peeping tom." The maid-Spy huffed.

"How do you figure?" Sniper was out of his coat and shirt and his chest was bare.

Spy just smiled a wicked smile. "Because I do more than watch."

"Oh," Sniper smiled like he understood, which he really hoped he did. "Help a bloke out?" He flicked his gaze down to his belt-buckle.

"But of course, how rude of me." Spy undid Sniper's buckle with his hands and took his belt out of his pants. Then he unzipped the man's pants for good measure. "You must be cold from all the rain."

"Like ice," Sniper pulled his pants off over his boots. "But I know how to warm things up."

Spy chuckled merrily. "I thought you were going to show me your vacuum."

"Maybe later. Right now I've got something else that can give a good suck," and he dropped to his knees before the other man. Because Spy was in a sexy maid outfit he didn't have to do much to get to his big hard cock. And Sniper was all for big hard cocks. Which was good, because Spy liked cocks too.

" _Sacrebleu_ ," Spy leaned back against the door to keep from falling over at the feel of Sniper's hot wet mouth deep-throating him. "Good, keep going." He put his hands on Sniper's shoulders and squeezed hard to encourage the other to suck on him more.

Sniper hummed back something in the affirmative. The vibrations drove Spy wild, and then he was coming hard into Sniper's mouth, who swallowed everything like the pro he was at swallowing everything from all the sex he'd had. When Spy was done Sniper slurped free of him with a wet popping sound and grinned up at him. "You liked that?"

"Mmm," Spy's eyes were hooded in lust. "My turn."

"Like you can stand upright," Sniper teased. Suddenly he found himself spun around and bent over the side of the bathtub with his naked ass in the air.

"I don't have to stand upright," Spy purred before positioning himself behind Sniper. "We still have to warm you up, right?" He began to grind suggestively against the other man.

Sniper could already feel Spy's cock coming back to life for another round and it made his own dick hard with anticipation. "Keep this up and we'll both be on fire."

"As long as you don't burn out," Spy whispered into his ear, "then we should be fine," before he started to prod at Sniper's quivering hole.

Sniper was almost shivering in his boots with want. This was a good day and it looked like it was about to be a good night. Spy kept touching him and stretching him open wider and wider, which was pretty easy because Sniper liked to use his toys so often his ass was always a little loose and ready for something to fill it. After a few minutes of playing with him Spy slipped himself inside. "My, you're so wet!"

"Thought that's why we were hanging up my clothes." He joked tightly around the heavy weight of Spy filling him.

"That's not," Spy shook his head, "did you come here looking for sex?"

"It worked." Sniper deadpanned.

"Yes," Spy smirked, "I'll give you that."

"I hope that's not all you give me." Sniper wiggled his hips enticingly.

"Far from it." With that Spy started to rapidly thrust in and out of Sniper like something could stop them at any moment. Only Spy lived alone, so there was no way that could happen since he'd also locked all the windows and doors. But he pounded into Sniper full force anyway, until Sniper was all short of breath and panting and trying to form words but only making little sounds instead. It wasn't much after that when Sniper started to whine and groan and then he tensed up and came all over the bathroom. Spy cursed at the sudden tightness and just kept pounding into him for a few more minutes until he was coming again too, deep inside of Sniper.

Both men collapsed onto the floor in a heap after that. They didn't really want to move or do anything because that had been some of the hottest sex they had each had in a while and both of them wanted to savour the afterglow.

They might have fallen asleep, or at least Sniper might have dozed off at some point. When he came to Spy was still on top of him. That was fine, they were both pretty warm now anyway. "Thanks for letting me come in here."

"Thank you for coming." Spy yawned before pulling out. "We made a mess."

Sniper smiled, and started to reach for his bag. "Well, I just happen to have an attachment for that."

Spy snorted. "You prepared for this?"

"Kinda." Sniper gave a lopsided grin. "I just have a plan to fuck everyone I meet."

"Good plan," Spy smirked down at him before offering him a hand up. "After we clean up in here I'll get your clothes going in the wash."

"That would be noice, thanks." Sniper started to gather all of his things into one pile.

"Then I can show you the bedroom." Spy gave a lecherous smirk. "It's just filthy."

Sniper returned the smirk with one of his own. "Sounds loike my kind of place. I'll make sure to get into every nook and cranny."

"How lovely." Spy picked up Sniper's clothes, "it's so hard to find a good man to get all the hard to reach places." With that he opened the door and headed out into the house.

Sniper nodded to himself before turning to look in the mirror. No too worse for the wear but a good scrub wouldn't hurt. "Maybe I'll just make a day of it."

And they did. Sniper and Spy spent the rest of the day screwing each other's brains out on every possible surface in the house.

The End

 

**Author's Note:**

> I Regret Nothing! *Runs for cover*
> 
> Reblog here on [tumblr.](http://journalforblu.tumblr.com/post/110539066567/the-little-death-of-a-salesman)


End file.
